Friday, 17 March 2017

Ted's Diary

Greetings Friends.

It's been a while, I know, but I've been very busy with various things that have required my full attention. You know how it is.

Before I go any further, I should explain that the chequered ball above Poppy's head in the photo above isn't a disciplinary measure for naughty dogs or children, or a hankie wrapped around someone who's about to leave home's possessions  It's the banger for a dinner gong Mum got Dad for Christmas. The gong is huge and ancient and boy does it make a noise when it's walloped. It reverberates through the air and our ears for hours afterwards. The humans with their under-developed ears only hear it for about five minutes and they think that's amazing. I ask you! It talks back whenever Dad says anything too, but Mum's voice must be too high for it to hear I think because it never says anything when she speaks.

About a week ago, Pop and I had hair cuts (and baths, but we won't dwell on that). We hadn't seen Mrs Danning for ages, it having been winter and our mother deciding (for once) that fur was Quite Useful in the cold, but last week off we went to her house and when we came home we were sans quite a lot of fur and quite a lot of mud. I was silver (again. Sigh) and we rediscovered Poppy actually has two round eyes. Also, that she is Quite Small without her fur. And that my ears are pink, not grey.

Mum snuggled Poppy for ages when she got back from Mrs D. She has to, to make the most of a short window of opportunity. Pop can make herself smelly in a hermetically sealed room. It takes her approximately one hour to get rid of the clean smell and long before then standing in the same room as her makes your skin gently steam, your eyes water and your nose run. I don't know how she does it but I take my hat off to her.

Then last Sunday, we were abandoned. I ask you! I really thought we'd had this conversation and I'd made my feelings plain and that no further abandonment would occur, but there you go! Hopeless parents left us alone ALL DAY. Even the boys went, and they only stir from their rooms to go to the kitchen for food or to play on the computer, so I knew it was serious. I was convinced they weren't coming back, so we rationed our biscuits and tried not to be too frightened until thankfully we heard the key turning in the lock some time after lunch. Pop didn't ration her wee though- she spent a huge penny on the kitchen floor which Mum had to clean up when she got back :o)

Things improved during the week when Dad took a delivery of poo and spread it all around the garden. Apparently, it was from the Young Farmers who delivered it in their trailer. I can't understand why they don't use their own instead of flushing it away and paying for someone else's. So much for human intelligence. Anyway, it turned out not to beYoung Farmer's poo, but cow poo, mixed in with an awful lot of straw. We'd barely been allowed to sniff it before mum removed it all, muttering under her breath about husbands giving flower beds second rate muck whilst prized vegetable patches got finely sieved poo from the garden centre. To be honest, I don't think cow poo is as good as fox or badger anyway, but for some reason they don't sell that in shops.

Today, we've been out running round the Pig Fields only there were no pigs because they've moved somewhere else. There was some mud, but not much. I kept up all the way. Not bad for someone who's seven and a half, or fifty in human years. I am considered 'senior' on the pedigree website (just wish Poppy would take note of that).

We came home starving and ate a late breakfast while Mum had a shower.

After that there was just about time to bark ferociously at the postman who was too scared to come in the gate and threw the post in the general direction of the house instead (job well done there, eh?) before sleep overcame us. 

You won't be surprised to learn that Poppy is responsible for the ruined bed area. For some reason her favourite game in the whole world (next to football) is to tear in from the hall at a furious speed and launch herself onto the beds which then skid into the wall with her flying along on top of them. The result is they get all rucked up like this and I barely have space to make myself comfortable. Sigh.

Poppy declined the beds (no surprise, considering what a mess she'd left them in), preferring to snooze on the back of the sofa while Dad is away at work and therefore couldn't tell her off and Mum was pretending she couldn't see her.

I hope all is well with all of you? I will try not to leave it so long before my next diary entry. It will soon be full Pigeon Watching time afterall and I really hope those of you who have yet to join the Pigeon Watcher's Club will do so this year.

With very best regards,



  1. Oh my, you have had a busy schedule. Do love the new haircuts, you look so smart. Didn't recognise you for a moment. Ted you would get on so well with Ebbie( well maybe not...). He likes to sleep on the top of the settee cushion too and watch out for pigeons. Sadly only having three legs , he no longer catches any much to his great disappointment. Hopefully mum won't leave you so long next time, but I'm sure she told you how clever she'd been :). Good luck with the fox poo, maybe you could roll in some and then transfer it to the veggie patch to help things grow! Have a great weekend. B x

  2. Dear Ted,

    it's pure joy to read your diary as usual! Here in Sweden the snow has finally melted and my four-legged pack are very proud over the amount of dirt and gravel that they bring in with them after every walk! Me, not so much...:=(

    Give our regards to Poppy and hope to hear from you soon!

    Annie and furbabies

  3. I read this with Ben leaning over my shoulder, he thinks that Poppy is a grand girl for having such a super smelling power. He also agrees with you on the fox and badger poo but says that duck and goose is just as good, and green. We look forward to your next instalment.

  4. You both look very smart with your new hair cuts. I had one too a few weeks ago, it didn't take me long to find some fox poo to roll in and make me smell nice again. Tell Poppy I love sitting on the sofa looking out the window too, someone has to keep guard! Tavi x

  5. Oh my Ted, you are indeed very white and pink. Did you know, you can get Zoo Poo for the garden. It comes from Paignton Zoo; can you imagine how exciting that would be? Do you think you could detect all the different animals? I'm betting you could. CJ xx

  6. Hey Ted,
    I'm off for a haircut, set and shampoo on Monday. I loathe every minute of it, and punish my Mum by sulking for the rest of the day. I usually get scrambled egg, if I keep it up until tea time. I don't have a Poppy of my own to frazzle my nerves, but Skarloey the cat can be a pain. He likes my bed, and is forever turfing me out! And if I go near, he swipes my nose with his paw! I wouldn't mind, but he has a perfectly good bed of his own on the side in the utility room. AND he's allowed free range of the house! And they say it's a dogs life.
    Honey x

  7. awwwww Ted I love you !
    Sorry about Poopy Poppy.
    Don't tell her or go ahead if you want too, YOU are so handsome and all silvery. xo

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

  8. Dear Ted, what an informative post! I chuckled at the poo situation! Young Farmers eh!
    You look awfully smart! I went to the hairdressers today... a very nice lady called Angie who has a car with Pawsum on it! Clever eh, see what she did there?
    Anyhoo it was an anxious experience but I survived! Hate it when they touch my legs!
    Ed - the big one - lay down in the local pond two days ago! It was hot and mum laughed because he waded in and plonked himself down and then turned and grinned! I was impressed but not so much with the smell!
    I'm an avid pidgeon watcher.... they are down right tenacious you know!
    Must go - snoozing off the hairdressing trauma! Woofs away - Murray ( and Ed) ��

  9. My Ted, don't you look handsome; so clean and shiny. I am very impressed that you ration your dog biscuits when your owners are mean enough to abandon you! When I go out leaving Hamish extra hay for his lunch, he scoffs it all immediately. Hats off to Poppy for her pong power! Wishing you both a fun, pigeon filled weekend. xx

  10. Good to hear from you Ted. Hope you're still nice and look so smart! x

  11. Nice to hear from you Ted, have to say I am feeling my age at the moment, mum has got me a stool to get on the sofa for cuddles as my back legs are going and I can't jump up any more. Ate something a few weeks back which made me very ill, mum had to get the vet out of bed he was not happy so gave me lots of injections. All I could was sleep for two days, couldn't even walk ! Mum and dad kept on whispering was it time... not sure what they meant but I'm OK now , just a bit slow. Not had a hair cut (thank goodness) so look like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, dad likes me that way :).
    Keep up the good work...
    Old man xx
    PS Mum says she has been reading all about your mum's running but sorry she has not had the time to comment as much as she would like..X

  12. Oh Ted, we can sympathise we you about the bath. We are staying with our dads parents at the moment. Nanny keeps mumbling about us being smelly, how rude! Every few weeks she manhandles us into the bath, we jump out frequently and spray water and fur all over the bathroom for fun, though she doesn't seem to think it funny. Humans are strange! The very next time she takes us for a walk we find fox poo to roll in so I don't know why she bothers really. From Boris and Sammy xx

  13. Such a lively happy post. Nice to see the dogs enjoying themselves!!


Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them. CT.