Monday, 28 December 2015

Yuletide/ New Year Greetings From Ted

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it, all my friends from Around The World? I hope you've all been keeping up with the Pigeon Watchers Club (or whatever your version of it is, depending on the wildlife in your garden). 

It's been an Eventful Day here at Countryside Tales. First, Poppy woke us all up by sleep-howling at 1am. Mum and Dad came down in their dressing gowns to see what was wrong and found Pop sitting up in her bed blinking and looking unsure about what had just happened. She told me later she'd been having a dream that she was a Wolf, a common dream amongst us dogs.

After breakfast I was sworn at by a squirrel. In my own garden! Before I'd barely had time to digest my breakfast! I ask you! I call that Plain Rude, but then we all know they have no manners whatsoever. It sat in its tree watching us from over the fence and Poppy wagged her tail at it and then it swore at me. It did the full fist waving and everything. I was incensed, I don't mind telling you. What was even worse was it then laughed. I ask you!

Later on Poppy got into a fight with an enormous (to us, because we're only little people) chocolate Lab who, despite being behind it's gate nearly ripped her ears off. Mercifully, Pop was wearing her bra, which acts like a kind of Body Suit, and it took the brunt of the Huge Dog's Teeth so she emerged unscathed. 

There was an Awful Lot Of Swearing. I was Quite Shocked. I didn't know she knew such language and have no idea where she could have got it from. I tried to put my paw over her mouth because the Lab belongs to our new neighbours and they are coming for drinks on Wednesday and what on earth will they think of us, with such language going on? It made my cheeks go Quite Pink listening to it, I can tell you. Poppy was completely unconcerned as usual and finished off with a Rude Gesture as we went round the corner back home for good measure.

Dad says Poppy has the Luck Of The Jack Russell, which as far as I can ascertain is similar to the Luck Of The Irish (Dad should know all about this because he's half Irish himself). I asked mum to explain and she said it was all down to the Angel Poppy takes everywhere with her. Mum says she thinks Poppy's Angel must be on the verge of a nervous breakdown by now after following Pop around everywhere and getting her out of scrapes during the last two years.  
These have included 1) falling off a log down a ravine into a fast flowing river, 2) walking on top of an iced-over puddle, the ice broke and she sank into the water underneath which was above her nose, 3) swimming out of her depth in the river at Houghton and having to be rescued by dad, 4) getting stuck in a piece of trellis at the bottom of the garden and having to be sawn out of it by a very panicky mum as it was round her neck, 5) jumping over the fence twice onto the lane to chase another dog and finally 6) letting herself out through the gate and going to visit the neighbours half a mile up the road and then being returned by them at tea-time.

My own Angel seems to spend most of his time sleeping by comparison. I rarely get into scrapes (unless you count the time I licked a toad and made myself sick and sorry and very sad indeed, as well as a bit frothy at the mouth. In my defence it's hard to resist licking a toad. Try it and you'll see what I mean). 




I meant to write to you all last week but I got the shivers and the shakes and the General Vomiting which wasn't at all nice. Mum thinks this is because I licked a coconut half filled with suet that the magpies had taken off the bird feeder and left on the ground. She thinks they did it deliberately because a) they are clever birds and b) they were all sat in a line of the kitchen roof holding their breath and pointing at me.

You'd think the worst part of feeling unwell would be the feeling unwell part, but no, it turns out the worst bit is going to see the V.E.T. for the check-up. All I'll say is having your temperature taken when you're a dog is not a pleasant experience in any way, shape or form :o(

Anyhoo, I'm better now and Poppy and I have been enjoying illicit Turkey from the fridge when Dad isn't looking. We also got two squeaky bright green trees for Crimble from Father C to replace the pheasants we had at Easter (these have become desiccated, forlorn and Shredded Round The Edges). This is my Tree...


 See how pristine he is, three days after Christmas? And cheerful too.

And this is Poppy's....


Can you Spot The Difference?

Just in case you can't, here's a close-up...


I say no more.

Dougal and Dylan (our Westie cousins) came to stay yesterday. They kindly brought their nice, big, fluffy, warm bed with them for me. I have barely left it since.....


Dylan and Dougal went home yesterday evening, but I made sure to cast a Magic Spell on Dad to make him forget to take the bed with him, which worked as you can see. I've had to allow Poppy on it after receiving a Hard Stare from Mum, but I've got around this by only allowing her on a teeny weeny bit at the far end. I've since heard you can claim Squatters Rights if someone doesn't reclaim something after a set period of time and as Granny hasn't shown up yet to take it back I'm not moving off it for a second.

Pop has got Very Woolly recently and has to have a bath after every outing now because the matted mud on her tummy dries and twists and makes her itchy and she runs round the carpet scrabbling and rubbing bits of mud off on it. She did this through most of the first part of and then there were none the other night and Dad kept shouting at her to stop. In the end he took her upstairs for a bath. She was FURIOUS about this but it made me smile. Especially as I didn't have to have one :o)


I am less keen on water and generally avoid it At All Costs...



Anyway, we're having a Grand Christmas, and it's just been made Even Better by Poppy thieving Mum's bubble and squeak (some kind of cooked mouse-based dish?) which she'd foolishly left on the coffee table in the sitting room with Poppy there unsupervised. After she'd told Pop off, I heard mum say to her that she'd learn that one the hard way because the bubble and squeak has chilli flakes and mustard seeds in it, whatever than means.


Mum also said thank God I'd left the eclairs in the kitchen...


I'm assuming this is some kind of edible treat, even though they look like Elf Shoes to me. 

Anyway, that's Our News for now, so I'll wish you all a Happy New Year (three days early because as you know I am Very Organised) and all the best for a healthy, hearty, pigeony, squirrelly 2016.

Ted :o)

33 comments:

  1. Oh Teddy, the trials of life just continue don't they living with Poppy! Your Mum is right, her Angel must be run ragged taking care of her. It is a good thing that you are so well behaved and don't wear your Angel or your Mum and Dad out so much isn't it. Make sure that you keep your Christmas Tree safe so that it doesn't get too chewed. I hope that you have a great New Year and that you don't have to have too many v.e.t. visits next year, try not to lick anything and that should help you. I know what you mean about the pigeons and squirrels, we have them in our garden too and they are a real nuisance aren't they. Our squirrels wave and laugh at us too and I cannot even tell you what the pigeons get up to as you are far too young to hear about that. Enjoy the rest of the holidays! Lots of love Aunty Amy xx

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    1. Thank you Aunty Amy, I always know you will understand what I have to put up with. Love Ted xx

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  2. Happy New Year wishes to you too Ted:) Your doggy tales always make me smile! Poppy sounds like a handful; just like my youngest furbaby...

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    1. She is a handful Annie, a complete handful, but I do love her :o) XX

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  3. Toads are devilish tempting aren't they. Sorry it made you a bit frothy though. Poppy's Angel has indeed been busy, that's a huge number of scrapes for one so young. Sorry you've been feeling peaky, you do have to watch magpies, they're never up to any good. Sorry about the demise of the pheasant as well, I can imagine it was a hugely satisfying thing to be chewing. I'm wishing you and Poppy and mum and dad a very happy New Year. And can I just say how much I like your hair like that. Bestests, CJ xx

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    1. I tell Mum that about Toads, CJ, but she just doesn't see it. Her loss I say. I will let you know that you agree with me. Love Ted xx

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    2. I mean I will let her know- sorry, blame it on my antibiotics from today's misadventures :o)

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  4. I love to have a companion like Poppy she sounds just like me! Mum saids she needs you to keep an eye on me too. I could also show how much fun water is. I love it -which is just as well as I seem to have baths twice a week at the moment. I either get very dirty or find some lovely smells! Love Tavi xxx

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    1. You should ask your mum whether you can, Tavi, although be warned- a Poppy is an exhausting thing to have around. Well done on the smells and the dirt, good to hear you are keeping your mum and dad on their toes. Love Teddy xx

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  5. Oh Ted, stop licking things you shouldn't! Poppy sounds like she needs to go back to puppy class! I nearly bought you a present today in the Pets at home sale. It was some Christmas tree deely boppers for dogs. I think you'd look impossibly cute in them. However, after seeing what you made of the Christmas trees in your photo I'm glad I left them in the shop!
    Tell your mum she's to have a good New Year's Eve and Day. Cheers!

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    1. Mum has been saying the words deely boppers non-stop all over the place wherever she goes since I read her your comment :o) XX

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  6. Oh My Goodness Poppy you sure get into trouble. But I think the new neighbors need their gate fixed. That hugumousious lab might just find a bigger dog on the other side one day.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    1. I agree Parsnip, I will tell them. Love Ted XX

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  7. Hi Teddy this is Rocky hound here, my has said that she may let me to my very own post soon once she finds a bit of time to teach me of course! Poppy sounds like a very troublesome sister to have but very sweet all the same. I like licking things to especially the sofas & I get shouted at. We have a toad in the garden but I haven't licked it yet. Anyway enough of my wittering I hope you & Poppy have a splendid new year & your & your doggy people too xx

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    1. Rocky, Pop and I have been chortling about you licking sofas- brilliant! We rub on ours and now they all have dirty great marks at terrier height :o) Mum is thrilled. XX

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  8. I really enjoyed reading these doggy tales, made me smile x

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  9. Best post of the day by far.
    Happy new year to you and your family with lots of good health and peace.
    Briony
    x

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  10. Teddy you have your Mum's sense of humour! But what you have to put up with living with such a naughty sister, you are a saint. Best wishes for 2016 to you both, I hope you don't get to see the Vet at all next year.
    Jean
    x

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    1. It's very nice of you to say so, Jean. Poppy is trying at times, but I do love her :o). PS Mum says Hi and she hopes you're both well and have a great year XX

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  11. Miss Poppy's been on the chew methinks - happy new year from Tess.

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  12. It sounds like you've been having a busy time. I'd lay claim to that bed as well. I'm still put in my kennel at night with a tin bottom! and only thin old flannelette sheet! Can you imagine? I think water is highly over-rated as well. Have a warm and cosy new year. Regards, Mad Wee Dog

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    1. Water is definitely over rated. Send me your address mad wee dog and I'll put a blanket in the post to you. Humans have no idea. Honestly. Love Ted xx

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  13. To my over-the-big-water-friend, Ted: I'm so glad you wrote because I have something very exciting to tell you about what happened at our house a few days ago. I did a Very Excellent and Ferociously Brave thing and chased a skunk out of our garage! Can you imagine the little stripy invader was helping himself to our recycling? You and Poppy would be very proud of how brave I was. And clever. Do you know why I was so clever? Well, I'll tell you - I was so clever that when that naughty little beast sprayed it's stink everywhere, I didn't get caught right in the face! This may be because I was looking in the wrong corner for it, but that doesn't matter really because I still caught the smell, just without all the stinging eyes and vomiting. My mum made me stay outside in the dark until she could sort out if I was smelly or not. And even though I wasn't, she scooped me right into the bath and shampooed me THREE TIMES! Twice with dish soap and then again with my normal dog shampoo. I didn't much care for that. I rather liked the smell of skunk. Which is good, because the garage still pongs. I'm pretty sure the skunk won't be coming back. But if it does, I'll be ready. Anyway - I couldn't wait to tell you and Pops about it. Sorry I talked so much. I do that. love, your friend, Emma-dog. xoxo

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    1. Emma-Dog we are SOOOOOO impressed with you! Fancy seeing a Skunk off your land! We're only sorry your mum rewarded you with TWO baths (shudders) after this immense display of canine bravery and daring-do. You are now an honorary member of the Pigeon-Watchers Club and our first international Skunk Chasers Club Member! Well done. Love Ted (ps our mum sends your mum love) XX

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  14. You do have a lot to put up with Ted! Despite all the dangers Poppy finds herself in, I'm sure you love her to death. I'm glad you received a new chew toy, although it doesn't seem you understand the idea behind that. Happy New Year to you both, and dog licks from Cody in Canader!

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    1. I do love her really (but she is still very annoying at times). Happy new year to you too and we hope your allergies are better now its winter Cody XX

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  15. A dog's eye view of the world! Ted, you're a very good sport. :)

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    1. Thank you Jennifer, that is a Great Comfort to me :o) Love Ted xx

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  16. H'PPY NOO YRRRR TEDDY N POPPY.....LOOF, JACK

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x