Well, it's been a while, hasn't it, all my friends from Around The World? I hope you've all been keeping up with the Pigeon Watchers Club (or whatever your version of it is, depending on the wildlife in your garden).
It's been an Eventful Day here at Countryside Tales. First, Poppy woke us all up by sleep-howling at 1am. Mum and Dad came down in their dressing gowns to see what was wrong and found Pop sitting up in her bed blinking and looking unsure about what had just happened. She told me later she'd been having a dream that she was a Wolf, a common dream amongst us dogs.
After breakfast I was sworn at by a squirrel. In my own garden! Before I'd barely had time to digest my breakfast! I ask you! I call that Plain Rude, but then we all know they have no manners whatsoever. It sat in its tree watching us from over the fence and Poppy wagged her tail at it and then it swore at me. It did the full fist waving and everything. I was incensed, I don't mind telling you. What was even worse was it then laughed. I ask you!
Later on Poppy got into a fight with an enormous (to us, because we're only little people) chocolate Lab who, despite being behind it's gate nearly ripped her ears off. Mercifully, Pop was wearing her bra, which acts like a kind of Body Suit, and it took the brunt of the Huge Dog's Teeth so she emerged unscathed.
There was an Awful Lot Of Swearing. I was Quite Shocked. I didn't know she knew such language and have no idea where she could have got it from. I tried to put my paw over her mouth because the Lab belongs to our new neighbours and they are coming for drinks on Wednesday and what on earth will they think of us, with such language going on? It made my cheeks go Quite Pink listening to it, I can tell you. Poppy was completely unconcerned as usual and finished off with a Rude Gesture as we went round the corner back home for good measure.
Dad says Poppy has the Luck Of The Jack Russell, which as far as I can ascertain is similar to the Luck Of The Irish (Dad should know all about this because he's half Irish himself). I asked mum to explain and she said it was all down to the Angel Poppy takes everywhere with her. Mum says she thinks Poppy's Angel must be on the verge of a nervous breakdown by now after following Pop around everywhere and getting her out of scrapes during the last two years.
These have included 1) falling off a log down a ravine into a fast flowing river, 2) walking on top of an iced-over puddle, the ice broke and she sank into the water underneath which was above her nose, 3) swimming out of her depth in the river at Houghton and having to be rescued by dad, 4) getting stuck in a piece of trellis at the bottom of the garden and having to be sawn out of it by a very panicky mum as it was round her neck, 5) jumping over the fence twice onto the lane to chase another dog and finally 6) letting herself out through the gate and going to visit the neighbours half a mile up the road and then being returned by them at tea-time.
My own Angel seems to spend most of his time sleeping by comparison. I rarely get into scrapes (unless you count the time I licked a toad and made myself sick and sorry and very sad indeed, as well as a bit frothy at the mouth. In my defence it's hard to resist licking a toad. Try it and you'll see what I mean).
I meant to write to you all last week but I got the shivers and the shakes and the General Vomiting which wasn't at all nice. Mum thinks this is because I licked a coconut half filled with suet that the magpies had taken off the bird feeder and left on the ground. She thinks they did it deliberately because a) they are clever birds and b) they were all sat in a line of the kitchen roof holding their breath and pointing at me.
You'd think the worst part of feeling unwell would be the feeling unwell part, but no, it turns out the worst bit is going to see the V.E.T. for the check-up. All I'll say is having your temperature taken when you're a dog is not a pleasant experience in any way, shape or form :o(
Anyhoo, I'm better now and Poppy and I have been enjoying illicit Turkey from the fridge when Dad isn't looking. We also got two squeaky bright green trees for Crimble from Father C to replace the pheasants we had at Easter (these have become desiccated, forlorn and Shredded Round The Edges). This is my Tree...
See how pristine he is, three days after Christmas? And cheerful too.
And this is Poppy's....
Can you Spot The Difference?
Just in case you can't, here's a close-up...
I say no more.
Dougal and Dylan (our Westie cousins) came to stay yesterday. They kindly brought their nice, big, fluffy, warm bed with them for me. I have barely left it since.....
Dylan and Dougal went home yesterday evening, but I made sure to cast a Magic Spell on Dad to make him forget to take the bed with him, which worked as you can see. I've had to allow Poppy on it after receiving a Hard Stare from Mum, but I've got around this by only allowing her on a teeny weeny bit at the far end. I've since heard you can claim Squatters Rights if someone doesn't reclaim something after a set period of time and as Granny hasn't shown up yet to take it back I'm not moving off it for a second.
Pop has got Very Woolly recently and has to have a bath after every outing now because the matted mud on her tummy dries and twists and makes her itchy and she runs round the carpet scrabbling and rubbing bits of mud off on it. She did this through most of the first part of and then there were none the other night and Dad kept shouting at her to stop. In the end he took her upstairs for a bath. She was FURIOUS about this but it made me smile. Especially as I didn't have to have one :o)
I am less keen on water and generally avoid it At All Costs...
Anyway, we're having a Grand Christmas, and it's just been made Even Better by Poppy thieving Mum's bubble and squeak (some kind of cooked mouse-based dish?) which she'd foolishly left on the coffee table in the sitting room with Poppy there unsupervised. After she'd told Pop off, I heard mum say to her that she'd learn that one the hard way because the bubble and squeak has chilli flakes and mustard seeds in it, whatever than means.
Mum also said thank God I'd left the eclairs in the kitchen...
I'm assuming this is some kind of edible treat, even though they look like Elf Shoes to me.
Anyway, that's Our News for now, so I'll wish you all a Happy New Year (three days early because as you know I am Very Organised) and all the best for a healthy, hearty, pigeony, squirrelly 2016.