Monday, 16 February 2015

A Post By Ted

Hello everyone, I had to write this post to tell you all about the two awful things mum put us through this weekend.

As you know, I am the calm, steady, reliable and long suffering one of the two of us. I always do as I am asked, I don't bite, I'm not grumpy and I am always friendly and polite. I try very hard not to roll in fox poo and to generally keep clean. I don't jump on sofas or chew shoes or shred tissues either, and I don't go on illegal raids upstairs, jump on the beds and knock over the pillows or steal chocolate and run off into the garden with it before anyone has noticed.

The only thing I don't like is baths. They make me shake and shiver :o(

On Saturday, after we had got back from checking on the sheep, dad asked me and Poppy whether we'd like to go on a run with him. Poppy leapt about like the mad thing she is and shouted 'YES! YES! YES!' three times, very loudly. I was more sedate in my response (as befits my status as the elder dog), and accepted dad's invitation with a polite wag of my tail.

Anyway, we had a great time running across the fields and we did six miles in the end. I have a sneaky suspicion this is part of a weight-loss programme my parents have devised for me because they think I am getting stout! How rude is that?! I am not getting stout- it is middle aged spread, that's all.
I know my parent's think I gave up running about two years ago, but that was mainly because the roads hurt my paws- off road is much nicer, plus of course I can't allow Poppy to be the only dog who goes running with dad. So I kept up with them and had a thoroughly enjoyable time.

When we got home, Pop and I had a sleep because it was quite tiring all that running, and dad disappeared into the garage where he is making mum a cupboard for Phyllis.

Mum came downstairs and stared at us both for a second. She muttered something under her breath that sounded like 'typical man' and 'absolutely filthy' then I was sure I heard the dreaded word 'bath.'

I looked at Poppy nervously but she was too busy thumping her tail on our bed to have heard anything.

My suspicions were confirmed a few minutes later when I heard the water running upstairs and then mum came in, took Pop's collar off, picked her up and marched off upstairs with her.

She came back a few minutes later soaking wet and complaining that mum had made the bath too deep and she'd had to do the doggy paddle to stay afloat! I thought this was very funny but I didn't have long to laugh because the next thing I knew I was upstairs in the bath (which was very dirty from Poppy) being shampooed too.

We'd barely got started when there was a knock on the door. Mum thought it was my boy so she said come in love. But L didn't answer, he just knocked again. It's OK love, said mum, I'm just washing Ted, you can come in. But he still didn't.

Mum looked at me. I looked at her.
Odd, she said.
Indeed, I replied.
She opened the door and Poppy shot in, quick as a flash. She had come upstairs all by herself to find us, even though she knows we're not allowed upstairs on our own. She knew the right door to knock on and everything. I have to admit I was impressed- that was pretty clever of her don't you think?
Anyway, mum was so impressed Poppy was allowed to stay while I had my bath. She jumped up to lick my nose then settled down by mum's feet till I'd been washed and showered and then we both ran very quickly downstairs just in case we got another wash.

We thought that was that, until yesterday when dad let us into some very smelly mud at the sea and we both came out wearing socks as a result. He got a right telling off from mum for that (especially after we'd both just had a bath), but he just grinned and said not to worry, he would hose us off when we got home.
NO! we both shouted, looking at each other in horror. Mum replied that it would be the window cleaner episode all over again, and I had to explain to Poppy that a few years ago mum was talking about paying someone to clean the windows regularly and dad wouldn't let her because he said he'd do them himself instead.
But, said Pop puzzled, Dad never cleans the windows, it's always mum who does them. 
Exactly!  I said, and that's why she always mutters under breath whenever she does it :o)


Luckily for us, dad forgot about washing us when we got home and he went off somewhere on his bike instead so we thought we were probably safe.

Only then the second bad thing of the weekend happened- mum appeared with the scissors and gave us both a haircut! Apparently, she was fed up with our long coats picking up all the mud which dropped off on the carpet when it was dry, so she snipped it all off from under our tummies, and then she did our faces too!

We sat next to each other on the garden table and submitted to this indignity quietly, even Poppy who usually wriggles like mad and then eats all the bits of cut off hair managed to sit still and only licked mum's nose three or four times, which was not many for her.

Dad got into more trouble when he got home because the second we saw him we jumped up and down and shouted 'dad!' and mum said it was hopeless trying to tidy us up after that because we wouldn't sit still.

I suppose I have to admit that we can both see out of our eyes now, even though dad laughed when he saw me and said I looked like a mouse with enormous ears :o)

He stopped laughing when mum told him it was his turn next.

 









What do you think of our new haircuts?

Love from Teddy and Poppy xxx

46 comments:

  1. Oh Teddy, it sounds like a very difficult weekend for you, bath, haircuts, Poppy getting into everything and having to go for that long run as well when no doubt you would have rather been at home with Mum sat in front of the fire! You poor fellow. I feel so badly for you. It just isn't fair is it. I guess that is why they call it a dogs life! I hope that Mum is looking after you today and not making you do anything nasty and that Poppy is behaving too and not jumping around the place too much and embarrassing herself at all. Tell Mum that you deserve a big treat after all of that. Lots of love and hugs Aunty Amy xxxx

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    1. Poppy IS NOT behaving at all well Aunty Amy- she is being very wriggly and keeps jumping on my head! Mum has just put her in the garden so I can have a rest :o)
      I would love a treat but I'm not allowed them because of this wretched diet I am on. I'm not even allowed my favourite (a small piece of cheese) since I ate half a coconut fat ball and gave myself pancreatitis. Perhaps I could come and visit you and have a treat there and mum would never know? Love from Teddy xx

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    2. I hope that you got a nice rest Teddy. No fun having your head jumped on is it! As you cannot have an eating treat you will have to see if Mum will make you a lovely quilt or bed to lay on. A sort of handmade with love sewing treat instead. Make sure to tell Mum that it needs to be manly though so that everyone knows that it is yours. I hope you can have a restful evening and tell Poppy that even though I think she needs to leave you in a peace a bit, I do love her as much as you! xx

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    3. My Grannie knitted me a green jumper two winter's ago when she felt sorry for me after mum cut all my fur off. It has the words 'TED' stitched in big red letters on the back. I have not worm it outside the house- I am sure you will understand why. A nice quilt bed all to myself sounds lovely, but I just know Poppy would lie on it too. She has calmed down a bit since mum let her fall asleep on her lap this afternoon. Hope you're having a nice sewy day. Love from Ted xx

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    4. I am glad that Poppy was a bit calmer this afternoon for you Teddy. Yes, I can understand about the jumper, a bit embarrassing for you. Never mind, at least you know that your Grannie loves you lots! xx

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  2. Hello CT

    Ted's post is BRILLIANT, please thank him for sharing this with us, and yes they both look so smart with their new hair do's.

    luv
    irene
    xxxx

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    1. Thank you Irene! I am so pleased you liked my post. Mum does sometimes let me write a guest article on her blog. Poppy has only been allowed to once because she is too young and silly still. Ted x

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  3. Oh Teddy poor you, you & Poppy look very fed up in the photographs. How terrible that you are not allowed even the tiniest bit of cheese but I suppose you know deep down that it is bad for you! Cheese is Rocky dogs favourite treat too, he gets awfully excited if he sees any. I do hope the rest of the week is much better for you & behave nicely for your mum& dad xx

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    1. We WERE very fed up Jo :o( Lucky Rocky, still being allowed cheese. Mum gets us these things called Fish For Dogs, which are healthy treats, but I suppose they are better than nothing :o) Love from Ted xx

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  4. Teddy, I have enjoyed reading about your horrible weekend. Not very nice for you but I am sure Mum means it for the best. I would have thought a tiny little morsel of cheese would have made all the difference to your weekend but I suppose if you are not allowed it for health reasons, I suppose Mum was right again. Chin up, can't get any worse and your fur will grow again. I still think both you dogs are still cute.

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    1. Thank you Margaret, I am glad other humans have a bit more sympathy for my condition than mum. If I set up a PO Box number perhaps everyone could send me cheese there? Love Ted x

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  5. Oh, the humiliation of it all! Well, we've all been thinking of ways you can get 'her' back....
    our favourite one is to BARF in your Mummy's shoes, preferably when you've just eaten..and then,so you don't get into bother, look all pale and go all floppy. Figure out between you who is going to do the BARFing because the other one has a very important role too. When the BARFer is BARFing start to whimper..if you can do it without laughing, move the whimper to a howl and pace abut a bit. Just watch what happens!!
    Love and sympathy, from Jane 's cats.
    XXXXX

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    1. I could never be sick deliberately in mum's shoes, Jane's cats! I am far too well behaved and that level of naughtiness would make me feel very worried and wobbly. However, Poppy is often sick on the rug and deliberately doesn't tell mum so she treads in it. Often she does this in summer when mum doesn't wear shoes. Poppy hides behind the door to watch and then roars with laughter. She is incredibly naughty so she really deserves baths and hair washes and hair cuts too.
      Thank you for all your sympathy. The whimpering and howling and looking pale and floppy is all stuff I am good at so I may give that a try- usually I lie still and stare morosely at the wall when I'm cross with mum- that makes her very worried indeed! xx

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  6. Hey Teddy,
    You look furious in that first photo. I guess the humans always have your best interests at heart, but they can be royal pains sometimes. You have my sympathy. Your new haircuts do make you look rather distinguished btw.
    Leanne xx

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    1. I was furious :o( The worst bit is that she hasn't even cut it straight and because it was done with scissors it will take days before I can go out without risking other dogs staring or laughing at me. Added to that, I am now the most revolting shiny silver colour and it takes ages to cultivate the yellow/ green stripe down my back that I had before the bath. The only thing that would have made the weekend worse was a trip to the V.E.T xxx

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    1. Thank you Lily and our friend Flossy xxx

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  8. Dear Teddy and Poppy,
    We have the deepest of sympathy regarding your predicament as we to suffer horribly at the one who calls himself 'master'. We have just returned from what should have been a lovely stroll around village's surrounding lanes but we had to put up with the most horrendous Anglo Saxon you have ever heard! Now we know his knees trouble him so put just because we pulled too hard on the leash as we approached where we are allowed to run free and his knees gave way leaving him sprawled in the mud really didn't merit such shocking profanities. And just because Nelly ran off for a good ten minutes no matter the volume of his shouting he continued to turn the air blue...I mean she was only chasing rabbits, what's a Beagle supposed to do?
    By the time he'd limped home (we tried helping by pulling really really hard) we thought he'd be happy but oh no such luck....straight into the bath with us just because Nelly was black instead of trie coloured and I smelt so lovely having rolled in a fresh cow pat. He just does not appreciate the finer things in life. We hope your situation improves and will be crossing our paws for you both.

    Love Bramble Bear and Nelly Welly aka the terrible twosome.

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    1. Dear BB and NW, I see you have to cope with similar hardships, it seems to be a dog's lot in life. Did your dad not realise that he looked and smelt better covered in mud? I ran off chasing squirrels and deer in the woods last week and was also gone for ten minutes and for some reason my mum was absolutely furious when I returned too. I don't understand the two-legs sometimes, they can be an odd bunch.
      I should find another nice cow pat tomorrow if I were you Bramble. Love from Ted and Pop xx

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  9. Ted, I like the style, you will for certain be setting a trend so don't worry about going out - it will be known as the Tedcut - the CT.TC and will be all the rage!

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    1. Once, years ago when mum had her horses, I was at the yard with her doing morning stables and a new lady turned up who was a dog groomer. She took one look at me and said 'who the hell cut his coat for you?' Mum grinned and said she'd done it herself. 'What with?' demanded the lady. 'Scissors' said mum. The dog groomer lady nearly passed out :o) We are sadly used to having wonky haircuts. Poppy doesn't care because nothing in life ever worries her, but I would have prefered mum to use my clippers (apparently they are blunt, so she couldn't). However, I will be happy if my hair cut becomes famous and is known as the CTTC- that sounds pretty cool :o) Love Ted xx

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    2. Once the wind blows in your hair, it's all wonky anyway, as it should be. Between you and I though Ted, do keep an eye on Mum and Phyllis, I'm wondering if they're not planning some wizzo stitching with your offcuts, in the form of extensions - which, after your next bath, will be fitted. Make sure P stays in the new cupboard, just to be safe.

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    3. Ooh, thanks for the warning, I will be extra careful. I think we're safe this time round because Phyllis and mum have been working on something together today but I know it isn't hair extensions because all our cut-off hair has been put in the apple tree for the birds to use for nests! I rather think it was rice-filled book ends :o)

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    4. Ah, I knew it was being saved for something important - lucky birds - hope it doesn't tickle the bird babies.

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  10. Oh the indignity of it all. Mind you I think your Dad may be in more trouble than you two in the long run. You and Poppy must transfer all blame to him whenever you can, that should minimise difficulties for you.

    Pendragon (British Shorthair Lilac Point btw)
    x

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    1. Thank you, Pendragon, that is excellent advice. You are our smartest-named friend by the way! Are you a cat by any chance? Cat's always have smart names in our experience xx

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  11. Sorry Ted, but the saying "Hedge dragged backwards " comes to mind ! my mum has often thought about cutting me, even though I can be plucked been a Boarder Terrier, but it brings my skin out in a rash, they read some were I should not be bathed to often as well...happy days as I don't like water. I have to be sent of for the day, coming back smelling of powder.
    I have grown quite hairy over the winter so Ted DO NOT let mum read this post, she might get ideas and the trimmer might come out....
    The old man xx

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    1. I don't have baths too often for the same reason, Westie skin is sensitive too. Poppy has a bath every two weeks because she smells. I don't :o)

      I think you'd better distract your mum if she looks like she might be about to read my post. Maybe do some woofs, or if all else fails a poo on the carpet usually works, that should take her mind off reading. xx

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  12. Oh you both look too adorable for words. We always try very hard not to roll in fox poo in this house as well. It's our watchword in fact. Well done on the long walk, and bad luck on the diet, I feel your pain. CJ xx

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    1. Do you manage not to roll in fox poo often, CJ? Poppy finds it irresistible, and even I have been known to give in to the urge every now and then. It just smells so lovely, doesn't it? And as for the diet, well, they've been very sneaky about it- I didn't even know I was on a diet until I realised the biscuit allowance had dropped. It is Rather Annoying. Love Teddy xx

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  13. Oh Teddy, what a wonderful guest post, I think you should write more. It is good to hear things from 'the dogs mouth' about all the happenings at Countryside Tales. xx

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    1. Thank you Chickpea :o) I will see if I can write another guest post soon, I think it's important everyone gets a balanced view of life chez C Tales xx

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  14. Dear Teddy
    I think your Mum is really cruel first making you take a bath and then giving you a haircut - your big mouse ears do look rather cute though - try not to stay grumpy for too long - she loves you really.

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    1. Thank you Elaine, I have got over it now :o) Poppy has got her own back by rolling in fox poo and then giving mum a cuddle. It's a mystery where she found it as we've only been out in the garden yesterday and mum's pretty sure a fox can't get in! xx

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  15. Dear Teddy:
    My Mum does the same thing to me. She doesn't pick me up though when we go upstairs to the big tub. She says bath, I run - she does not chase me, she waits until I forget about the B word and then just picks me up and dunks me right into the big tub. I wiggle and wail and then have to admit it does feel kinda warm. I keep trying to eat the soap just to teach them a lesson. ha,ha Mum read your story out loud to me. I did laugh but it gave her the idea to remember my bath time - not so good - have a woof-woof kinda day and helllo to Poppy n all. Jack

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    1. Hello Jack, I thought you would probably understand :o) Poppy found some fox poo to roll in from somewhere yesterday, so she had to have another bath today! I did not. Phew. Hope the snow is not so high with you now and that you can see out and get out nose down on some interesting smells xx

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  16. A bath and a haircut! Oh you poor thing. I fear a bath is in my future - they keep telling me I smell. How rude! The Mad Wee Dog.

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    1. Humans just don't appreciate the finer things in life, do they? Love Ted x

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  17. Oh, it's a dog's life, isn't it? I suggest, next time you come in from a walk all muddy, why not try sleeping on your Mum's bed? That would really make her laugh!

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    1. Oh, Stephanie! I'd be in SO MUCH trouble if I did that! a) for getting mud on the bed b) for getting on the bed and c)for going upstairs! Love Ted x

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  18. Teddy and Poppy, you both are just too cute!

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    1. Thank you Henny Penny :o) We think so too! Xx

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  19. What a great "tale"! I loved it!! We could not say "bath" or spell B A T H...they knew and under the bed they went. Enjoyable read :)

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    1. We dogs know more than our humans think :o) T x

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  20. I've only just stumbled upon your blog and this story has melted my heart! I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your posts! :)

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    1. Hello! I'm not sure whether I should call you Forever or FTA, so I will go with FTA because doggy paws find typing Quite Hard and that is quicker. Welcome to mum's blog and thank you for your kind words. Can you repeat them loudly so mum hears? We might get let off further baths then :o) Love Teddy x

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x