Thursday, 8 May 2014

Things That I Have Learnt This Week

1. Cats consider the paper around a cat lit tray to be as much a target as the tray itself, to the extent you might as well not bother with the tray in the first place

2. If Poppy barks at 4am on a Monday and wakes you up, she will bark at the same time every night for the rest of the bloody week

3. This will set your husband's snores off and mean you are then awake until day break 

4. Slugs can work their way around slug pellets and eat all your flowers, no matter how carefully you arranged them :-(

5. Garden centres on Bank Holiday Mondays are Best Avoided At All Costs

6. Attending the same lecture twice really does improve your understanding of it

7. Particularly if you paid no attention the first time round

8. Blood-slaked ticks that fall off your dog onto the carpet are so fat they are unable to move

9. This allows you to throw them over your neighbour's fence without being in any danger of them sticking to you

10. A 70cl bottle of gin doesn't last very long

11. It is much better to stop kidding yourself and buy a ltr instead

12. Nudists will still roam beaches when the temperature is below 12 degrees and the wind is blowing a hoolie

13. This is mostly the preserve of Male Nudists who have Largely Gone To Seed

14. Seeing them therefore contributesVery Little to your day

15. Revision is best done with a large glass of wine in one hand and a bar of chocolate in the other

16. If you get drunk and smoke an illicit cigarette, someone will take a picture of you


17. If you make the mistake of telling your twelve year old son you got drunk and smoked an illicit cigarette, he will consider it the height of cool, tell all his friends and demand a copy of the photo

18. In order to put it on facebook

19. This is Not a Good Idea

20. Teenage boys would rather have a fast cold bath than a slow warm one

21. If a bird falls out of the sky and lies dead on the lawn for several hours Poppy will still think it's the best thing she's ever tasted

22. She will then want to share this with you by licking your face

23.This will be Quite Possibly the Most Disgusting Experience of your entire life

24. Muddy puddles are magnets for small puppies

25. No matter how much bindweed you pull out of a flower bed, by the next day it will have re-sprouted 

26. It is impossible to continue humming if you pinch your nose

27. Only 2% of the population can lick their elbow

28. It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath (thanks to L for those last three)

Night All, CT :-)


8 comments:

  1. I can't type as I am now in hysterics!!!! Just what I needed, thanks! xx

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    1. Glad it gave you a smile :-) Sometimes I really do wonder about my life.... x

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  2. Of course I just tried to lick my elbow ~ apparently I am NOT in the elite 2 percent .

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    1. Me neither.... And L has tried out the holding your breath one- that doesn't work either apparently.... :-)

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  3. Very funny...one of the cats has decided to wake me up way too early by biting my neck and licking my hair...it's not nice!

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    1. Does it get ingrained into your dream? I always find that unsettling, when you dream something and wake up to find you really are listening to/ experiencing it! :-)

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  4. A great post CT - certainly made me laugh :) I can't lick my elbow either :(

    Thanks for offer re: Magdalen Hill - would love to visit. Although husband not keen on driving very far when we are on holiday :( but I will certainly bear it in mind and let you know if I can get there!

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    1. I love that we've all been trying to lick our elbows! :-) Presumably someone will be able to?

      Just drop me an email if you can get to Magdalen and want a guide- the Chalkhills are on a specific bit of the reserve. Last year I walked through clouds of them while M fell asleep on the hill waiting for me to finish. This year I think he'll take a book instead :-)

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x