Monday, 17 February 2014

The Cast Is Off!

M and I paid our....fourth? fifth? (frankly, I've lost count) visit to the hospital today for The Great Cast Removal.

They used a saw to remove it. One of those plugged-into-the-mains-fast-whirring-high-pitched-squealing jobs that sets your teeth on edge and, if you are of a nervous disposition (which I'm not) makes you feel that fainting (in order not to be able to hear it any longer and therefore imagine what horrors it is committing against the helpless and decidedly fleshy arm beneath the cast) is probably a good option. Had I been an Edwardian lady of a delicate nature, I would probably have swooned, but given that my last 5 days have been largely defined by cleaning up various bodily fluids from children and animals, I didn't.

The cast came off quickly (videoed at M's request by yours truly) and then we sat in the waiting room for well over an hour before the consultant saw us. Upon arrival M had been presented with a 'waiting time survey' which, on a day when staff numbers were drastically reduced because everyone was off with their kids over half term, seemed a little absurd to say the least. The irony of this was not lost on us.

Knowing how these things work (from bitter experience) we had both come prepared. M had a book entitled 'Bounce' which is not (as the title might suggest) a racy gentleman's novel, but rather a study of the value of training over talent in sport (yawn). And I had several books on trees and woodlands for an essay I am currently writing for school ('stop calling it SCHOOL mum! It's COLLEGE!' say the kids. So of course I carry on)  as well as a nice new notepad with butterflies (which I am pretending are moths) on the front to write notes in. 
Mine was by far the more interesting of the two and I educated the entire waiting room on the delights of the WildWood and important snippets such as which trees are really native to Britain (not as many as you'd think) and when the WildWood faded from sight (ages ago) and why traditional foresting techniques such as pollarding and coppicing are actually better for the trees and the wild things that rely on them than what happens now eg not pollarding and coppicing.
Given that the other occupants of the waiting room were all screaming down their mobiles things like: 'I know babes! Can you believe he said that! I told him, I said:' you're a f****ing w***er mate and it's time someone told you, you aren't all that. I'm never going with him again!" You can imagine how happy they were to receive my running tree commentary.

Anyway, eventually we were called in to see the same nympho-consultant as before- remember the one with the knee-length furry boots, very short skirt and a top that left little to the imagination? (M was pleased, I was disgruntled).
She wobbled the wrist around and make various cooing noises of admiration before pronouncing herself very pleased with the results (arnica, healing and symphytum I said, stoutly, which she ignored. In fact, she ignored me entirely, being presumably too busy mentally comparing my husband with Daniel Craig, which happens a lot, to the point I've learnt to recognise the expression). No heavy lifting for a month, she said (M managed not to look at me as she said it, which was a good thing otherwise he would have found himself walking home), some light rotation etc exercises and a strap on it during the day to warn people not to whack it, and she'll see him again in 3 weeks.

He is pleased, and back to being able to drive himself about like an adult instead of needing lifts from me and the parents in order to get places. I should add that he has got back to running during the last fortnight while the cast was still on, and notched up 21 miles last week, which is infuriating because he's done nothing for 3 weeks and picks it up like he's only had a day off, whereas I, who have been running religiously (that's several times a week, not in a nun's outfit complete with wimple) manage approx 5 miles a week. There is no stopping the man, the best you can do is try to slow him down a little.

Anyway, that's all Good Stuff, and I can stop worrying that he'll lose the use of that hand now.

To celebrate (in reverse order) we went out en famille for supper last night, which was lovely. And then in a fashion that well and truly sums up the week I have had, we got home to discover that Pop's emergency healing diet of fish and chicken, which Ted has been sharing and which has worked for Pops, had not agreed with him at all to the extent that he had an enormous mat of semi-dried poo stuck to his bottom and tail. 
So picture the scene: me, in my glad-rags, smart dangly earrings, freshly clean and dried hair, makeup and high heels wearing surgical gloves standing outside in the drizzle washing a lump of freshly congealed poo from Ted's backside. He wasn't very happy about the whole procedure (who can blame him) so when it was over he came indoors and shook it all over the newly-decorated rose pink walls just to make the point. Sigh. Pops then topped the whole thing off  by dragging a cushion off the chair and weeing on it under the table. The only mercy is that L appears to have stopped being sick and is now reinstated back in his own bedroom, although he is now asking to be allowed to listen to Dara O'Briain as his book at bed time.

Surely the week can only get better......

Hope all are well, 

CT :-)

 

14 comments:

  1. Why do they do that?! Whenever the kids are off the prices go up and there is less staff... how does that work? I have only just found you recently so am catching up on your wrist saga and pleased that this is now off and you are probably finding the wonders of scratching again an absolute blessing.

    I hope your weekend gets better (doesn't sound as though it can get worse)!! :-D

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    1. Yes, it's been a bit of a month one way or the other! Hoping we've all turned a corner now and things will settle. :-)

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  2. Well here to you having a better week ~ things do seem to have gone a bit to the dogs lately . Hee

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  3. I'm glad to hear that M's wrist is improving and the cast is off at last, even though you had to go through the ordeal of the hospital. Your book sounds just the sort of thing I love to read, though, so I would have been completely absorbed in that. I hope the dogs get better, they do pick their moments, don't they?

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    1. Have you read any Ben Law books? He's a woodsman. I think you'd enjoy them. Oliver Rackham is the all-time authority on woodland and the book I had was 'Trees & Woodland in the British Landscape'- fascinating stuff.

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  4. Great news re: M's wrist and pleased to hear L is on the road to recovery :) You have had a rough time recently so hope things will settle down and improve soon.

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    1. It's a big relief to have the cast off and to have L looking better too and also Poppy is pretty much mended now as well. Those were the three so hopefully no more (old family superstition here about things coming in threes) :-)

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  5. Sorry that your glamour treatment went unnoticed by the canine side of the family - I think they have a wonderful sense of timing though! You have such a way with words, my dear! I am left still grinning! I think it was the occupants of the waiting room which did it for me . . . I've come acros a few like that in my time.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the read and it made you smile. Dogs all better and husband being relatively sensible (for now)... :-)

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  6. Please send my congratulations on cast removal!

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  7. Brilliant post, loved the reflection on the natives in the hospital waiting room-they are quite another breed of human.. and not one I'm proud of. We once had one of those 'fancy women' moments in a lighting shop....full of shop assistants all about 70+ in twin set and pearls, I asked for a particular lamp and some shades and the shop assistant said I'll just get Fay for you....and out comes this beautiful blonde young woman...needless to say selecting lamps became much more interesting for hubby!
    So glad to hear the wrist news, but not so good on the dried poo front!

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    1. We once went to a kids Basil Brush stage show which had this inexplicable segment in the middle when a leotard-clad woman appeared and proceeded to prance about the stage. It had nothing whatsoever to do with Basil Brush but all the dads in the audience loved it!
      We are poo-free here now (at long last)...

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x