1. Failing to wash your hair, put on makeup or brush your teeth all day because you are engrossed in finishing an essay, means by the time school pick-up arrives you will have forgotten that you failed to wash your hair, put on makeup or brush your teeth, but it will still be Very Obvious to everyone else.
2. It is only when you are waiting to pick your son up (having not washed your hair, put on makeup or brushed your teeth) that you will notice the Red Light flashing on the dash to warn you you are in fact in imminent danger of running out of petrol. You therefore have to stop off at a petrol station on the way home and Get Out Of Your Car.
3. Dog poo in the garden in November can easily be mistaken for a wet brown leaf, with ensuing horrid consequences.
4. Sicked-up cat fur balls should by rights be called cat fur sausages.
5. On the plus side, they are easy to pick up.
6. It is impossible to leave a bottle of chardonnay open in the fridge and not drink it.
7. The time for this will creep down from 6pm in the summer to 3.30pm in the winter, but that will Seem Fine.
8. No matter how rigorous you are about socks going into the washing in pairs, they will invariably come out as singletons.
9. If you lend your (very forgetful) daughter your best pair of ski socks (out of the kindness of your heart to keep her feet warm) she will lose one. Not both, just ONE.
10. If you buy the papers on Sunday, save them till the evening and then, when you finally have time to read them and are looking forward to it, search for the fashion supplement until you think you must be losing your marbles because it isn't where you're definitely sure you left it, your daughter would rather let you think that than admit that she's taken it on the train back to school with her.
11 If you buy four packets of chocolate shortbread biscuits from waitrose at not inconsiderable expense at the start of half term when both your boys are home, the 32 biscuits will last approximately 3.5 days.
12. If you settle down with a large glass of wine and a packet of crisps in front of the fire to watch Strictly on bonfire night when all your family have gone out to a firework display, half an hour into the show said family will burst noisily back into the room shouting about how the fireworks clashed with the take away pick up time so they had to miss them and come home.
13. If this happens, persevere with Strictly- you will find after devouring the curry the children vanish Very Quickly into the study where the computers are and your husband vanishes behind a newspaper.
14. Gin and Tonic goes Extremely Well with steak and melted stilton.
15. On the whole, Nuthatches prefer sunflower seeds to fat balls.
16. If the postman changes to a different postman Teddy will not notice the difference and will still bark at him just as loudly.
17. If your phone line comes down in a storm BT will take at least a fortnight to mend it.
18.When your phone line comes down in a storm and you relay all the calls to your mobile, your mobile reception will also inexplicably die, despite being Utterly Reliable until that point.
19. Moths like people's ears.
20. If your 14 year old son goes out metal detecting in the rain, not only will he come back soaking wet and covered in mud, he will remain entirely unaware that he is soaking wet and covered in mud, and go and sit on your nice clean sofa.
21. He will also wash all his metal detecting finds in the kitchen and use the drying up cloths to wipe any remaining mud off them.
22. You won't realise this until you are about to cook supper.
23. No matter how careful you are about washing white underwear, by the time it is six months old it will all be grey.
24. Champagne may be expensive, but it's worth it!
Have a good evening all,