Tuesday, 5 November 2013

It's Useful To Remember That....

1. Failing to wash your hair, put on makeup or brush your teeth all day because you are engrossed in finishing an essay, means by the time school pick-up arrives you will have forgotten that you failed to wash your hair, put on makeup or brush your teeth, but it will still be Very Obvious to everyone else.

2. It is only when you are waiting to pick your son up (having not washed your hair, put on makeup or brushed your teeth) that you will notice the Red Light flashing on the dash to warn you you are in fact in imminent danger of running out of petrol. You therefore have to stop off at a petrol station on the way home and Get Out Of Your Car.

3. Dog poo in the garden in November can easily be mistaken for a wet brown leaf, with ensuing horrid consequences.

4. Sicked-up cat fur balls should by rights be called cat fur sausages.

5. On the plus side, they are easy to pick up.

6. It is impossible to leave a bottle of chardonnay open in the fridge and not drink it.

7. The time for this will creep down from 6pm in the summer to 3.30pm in the winter, but that will Seem Fine.

8. No matter how rigorous you are about socks going into the washing in pairs, they will invariably come out as singletons.

9. If you lend your (very forgetful) daughter your best pair of ski socks (out of the kindness of your heart to keep her feet warm) she will lose one. Not both, just ONE.

10. If you buy the papers on Sunday, save them till the evening and then, when you finally have time to read them and are looking forward to it, search for the fashion supplement until you think you must be losing your marbles because it isn't where you're definitely sure you left it, your daughter would rather let you think that than admit that she's taken it on the train back to school with her.


11 If you buy four packets of chocolate shortbread biscuits from waitrose at not inconsiderable expense at the start of half term when both your boys are home, the 32 biscuits will last approximately 3.5 days.

12. If you settle down with a large glass of wine and a packet of crisps in front of the fire to watch Strictly on bonfire night when all your family have gone out to a firework display, half an hour into the show said family will burst noisily back into the room shouting about how the fireworks clashed with the take away pick up time so they had to miss them and come home.

13. If this happens, persevere with Strictly- you will find after devouring the curry the children vanish Very Quickly into the study where the computers are and your husband vanishes behind a newspaper.

14. Gin and Tonic goes Extremely Well with steak and melted stilton.

15. On the whole, Nuthatches prefer sunflower seeds to fat balls.

16. If the postman changes to a different postman Teddy will not notice the difference and will still bark at him just as loudly.

17. If your phone line comes down in a storm BT will take at least a fortnight to mend it.

18.When your phone line comes down in a storm and you relay all the calls to your mobile, your mobile reception will also inexplicably die, despite being Utterly Reliable until that point.

19. Moths like people's ears.

20. If your 14 year old son goes out metal detecting in the rain, not only will he come back soaking wet and covered in mud, he will remain entirely unaware that he is soaking wet and covered in mud, and go and sit on your nice clean sofa.

21. He will also wash all his metal detecting finds in the kitchen and use the drying up cloths to wipe any remaining mud off them.

22. You won't realise this until you are about to cook supper.

23. No matter how careful you are about washing white underwear, by the time it is six months old it will all be grey.

24. Champagne may be expensive, but it's worth it!

Have a good evening all,

CT x


12 comments:

  1. On the subject of BT, our neighbours up here were without their phone for SIX MONTHS after a lightning strike. Love the idea of you popping off to school looking what my Grandmother would have described as 'a fright'!

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    1. Oh lordy Em, is that what we've got to look forward too? BT has gone suspiciously quiet...

      I definitely looked a real fright this morning. Sadly, it's not the first time and probably won't be the last... :-)

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  2. Hi CT I loved reading all your list. I don't know how you have the time to write all these things but I can imagine all of them as very true having had children at home too.

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    1. Hi Margaret :-)

      Yes, children definitely keep you busy don't they? x

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  3. Oh CT , 3 and 4 are the story of my domestic life. In fact today I discovered a small amount of cat vomit on the floor and thought that's not bad-cleaned up-job done. It was only half an hour later when I walked past the dining room table again that I noticed one of my cats had vomited all over one of the dining room chairs, fur ball n'all. So the little bit I saw on the floor was just what had run down the side of the chair. So by now it was well and truly soaked in.
    I feel like no 7 is so true!
    No 12 happened to me in a similar way last Friday. I sat down to relax and watch TV with a glass of wine. One of my cats jumped off the window sill, knocked my glass of red wine flying, the glass smashed into pieces, the cat had red wine on his fluffy tail, and the rest of the wine sprayed up the wallpaper, onto my cream cushions and me!

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    1. Oh my goodness! I LOVED your cat sick and wine stories- hope you had plenty of salt for the stains? x

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  4. Great post CT :) Absolutely hilarious :) Hope you get your phone fixed soon.

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    1. Mysteriously, the mobile is working fine until I get home. The land line is still dead as a dodo.... :-(

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  5. Plenty of single socks here and also pairs of socks that have vanished altogether. I've no idea where they are.
    I'm very intrigued that moths like people's ears.

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    1. I suspect House Elves. They obviously have sock fetishes....

      And moths and people's ears- well, if I had a pound for the number of times one has flown into my ear I'd have, oooh, £5.40 (to coin a Terry Pratchett phrase). :-)

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  6. An entertaining post indeed! The other day I forgot to wash my hair and had an early start volunteering so I found a snoody thing which I fashioned into a headband earwarmer type thing to cover up awful flat unwashed hair. Worked a treat! But then when my ears got too hot from standing by the huge bonfire, I couldn't take it off. No-one likes hot ears!

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    1. Hot ears - NOT a good thing, especially when one is working hard outdoors. Glad it isn't just me Lou :-)

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x