Saturday, 14 September 2013

Three Miserable Gits, Our Pige Enjoys A Bath And Ruby Is Suspicious Of A Rabbit

Shop, shop, shopping. That's what I've been doing today. I was in the mood so it was fun and not a chore. I dropped into Waitrose for some weekend supplies (mostly chocolates for the children) on the way home and whilst queuing caught the eye of a woman who was staring at me. I smiled, and she turned away with no change of expression at all. A few moments later she was staring at me again, so I smiled again, and she turned away again with no acknowledgment, no change of expression. She didn't look a third time, which was a shame because I'd resolved to stick my tongue out at her and see if that got a reaction. Failing that I could have tried Growling.

The theme of Grumpy Bastards continued when I took Ted out for a run down our lane this afternoon. I got bellowed at by a neighbour I've never met before when T stopped for a poo on the verge just down from his driveway.
"You're not going to pick that up then?!" he yelled from his car.
We were some distance away so I didn't hear him properly. I broke the rhythm of my run (how annoying) cupped a hand behind my ear and turned back, calling out: "sorry- I didn't hear what you said?"
"You're not going to pick it up?" he shouted again.
"I don't have a bag with me, but I only live up the road so-" was as far as I got before he threw his arm in the air, made a rude gesture at me and roared off up his drive.

I ran home feeling Extremely Aggrieved. If you're going to have the bad manners to shout at someone instead of speaking to them civilly, is it too much to ask that you actually bother to listen to their answer? Why is it that people increasingly seem to automatically think the worst of one another? It's the Shoot First And Ask Questions Later mentality.

It took me all of three minutes to reach home, deposit Teddy, pick up a poo bag and run back to pick up the poo. I was hoping all the way to see him again and explain that not picking up dog poo from outside people's houses is Not Something That I Do, but I was also Feeling Quite Cross so it was probably a Good Thing I Didn't See Him or I suppose I might have Flung The Poo Bag In His Face, which would not have been good. In fact, I've been fighting the urge to tip a whole week's worth of doggy doo outside his driveway, and the only reason I haven't is that that would be childish and immature and worse it would prove his point (although it would also probably be Quite Funny).

More evidence of how quick to judge, down-right rude, selfish and miserable humanity seems to be becoming was to come later this afternoon. 

J is learning to drive. It is taking her quite a while. Today M took her out in the car and she drove to Salisbury, which is all higgeldy-piggeldy narrow medieval streets and mystifying one-way-systems, and as such sends me into a bit of a spin so for a seventeen-year-old new to being behind the wheel it was a real challenge. She did very well with the sole exception of nearly running over a pedestrian (but in fairness he was dressed like a zebra crossing so what did he expect?  We've all done that when we were learning, right? It's how you learn not to in future. When I was learning to drive I came very close to taking out an Old Granny who played chicken with me on a zebra crossing. A strange choice on her behalf, given that the car I was in was a driving instructor's and not shy of advertising itself as such. This was the day before my driving test and I did have forewarning- an old clairvoyant friend of ma's told her I would need to be careful of an old lady jumping out at me on Test Day. She was a day early, but at least it meant I got it out of the way). 

The only time J had a real problem today was when she got too close to some bollards because her dad had given her Bad Directions and she couldn't reverse out because all the "this is where the gears go" signs have rubbed off from our gear stick. M said there was a car behind them which flustered J even more and she had a small and tearful panic and went a teeny weeny bit to pieces, so M got out and moved the car for her, waving an apology to the car waiting behind as he did so. He was met with a Glacial Stare from an Extremely Grumpy Git Woman who was behind the wheel. Our car is plastered with giant red L plates so the woman must have realised what was going on, especially when J and M swapped places. 

I want to know (if any of you can shed light on this for me please do so), why increasing number of people seem to be so completely and utterly hopeless when it comes to empathising? Do they conveniently forget that they were once learners who made mistakes and doubtless held up other cars too?

The best way to overcome the irritation and sense of deep unfairness that Miserable People like these inevitably shove onto others (I have found) is to laugh at them, and then hope that one day they learn to be Kinder People (and that they burn their fingers getting their supper out of the oven tonight). My laughter over The Three Miserable Gits Of Today comes from 1) The fact they have no idea I have shared their failings with all of you on a public platform, and 2) Remembering a woman who used to work at the kids' primary school whom they universally (and with no input from us so it was pure childhood understanding of people) nicknamed Cat's Bum because her mouth was twisted into a tight picture of sourness all the time. As a nickname it was both accurate and very funny so we did nothing to discourage it. She was a rat-bag and the moniker was well deserved. I rather suspect all three of today's Miserable Gits thoroughly deserve to be known by it too.

On to happier things.

Yesterday, whilst it was chucking it down, I happened to glance out of the window and see our pige having a lovely time in the bird bath. He stayed in there for ages, all fluffed up and gently floating around. There was something about  his expression and the way his neck disappeared into his fluffed up body that I found so comical I had to get some pictures of it.










The Girls were also in the garden and I noticed that Ruby, who is L's chicken and should really be called Mrs Independent for the way she always does her own thing regardless of Flock Decisions - such as hopping over the gate from the garden and coming into the breakfast room to find me and clucking to tell me it's time for them to go back into their run- had stretched herself Very Tall And Thin, in an effort to make herself appear both Larger and also More Fierce (as she is only a small hen this takes Quite Some Doing).

I wondered what the problem was, then, glancing further up the garden, saw a Large Rabbit on the path. Now the garden was rabbit-proofed by accident when it was Ted-proofed four years ago, so it was a surprise to see the bunny. As he wasn't eating my flowers and he can't eat M's veggies (by way of the fox-proof wire that surrounds them- not that he's paranoid about Vegetable Protection in any way), I found the bunny Rather Endearing and have forbidden M from letting Teddy out to Chase Him Away.

Here they are...

 "Who's That?"

"Only me!"

"Well, OK. I will go back to pecking grubs, but only if you PROMISE you are not about to try and Steal My Honour." 
(This is not as ridiculous as it sounds. I had a rabbit when I was a child who thought he was a cockerel and a drake (go figure that one). He usually had these thoughts right about the time my mother was entertaining Little Old Ladies From the Village with cups of tea and slices of cake on doilies on the farm patio....Incidentally, the bunny is by the orange bucket).


The Universe did serve me up some hilarity in the form of Other People Today (to make up for the Horrible Gits) by bringing me into contact with an old man who, while I was waiting with M for his relay-running-team-mate to turn up and pass on the baton to him, cheerfully informed me he had taken to wearing lycra running shorts recently to prevent "chaffing." He rolled up his over-shorts to show me the lycra just in case I had reason not to believe him. I was rather hoping that that would be the end of it, but he went on to detail the nature of the chaffing while I (rather unsuccessfully as it turns out) fought the urge to laugh.

I feel I am Nearing The Moment Of Getting The Crochet Blanket Out. To be perfectly honest I'm not really sure about photos. But on the other hand, a big part of the purpose of this blog is to afford all you who are sweet enough to read it Some Hilarity, and if I posted pictures of my blanket you would certainly all fall about laughing, so maybe I shall.

I wish you all enjoyment of your Saturday Night and Sunday, and a week's absence of Miserable Gits.

CT x

12 comments:

  1. Well, I have been giving the subject of 'Miserable Old Gits' some considerable thought (as you can imagine) and here is the verdict of the Much Malarkey Manor Jury...

    1) ill-fitting items of clothing causing discomfort and/or pain. A pair of vanity shoes, perchance, or the wire from a bra drifting astray and digging into a muffin top. Maybe an overly tight waistband (some ladies of a certain age are very resistant to the idea of elastication), or maybe, slightly off at a tangent here, the sudden realistion that one is wearing dark pink pants beneath a sheer white skirt and everyone can see. In which case, gittedness can be excused as a defence mechanism.

    2) experience of a disappointing tray bake cake or biscuit. I refer specifically to those so-called 'home-made' cakes and biscuits one can purchase from retail outfits which might look very appetising on the outside but, on tasting, prove to be full of plasticky additives that make the cake or biscuit taste slightly, well, off. A useful tip here: if you want the taste of home made, home make it.

    3) some natural propensity towards gittedness. I believe it is something to do with an over-production of bile and the disappointment of not receiving a pair of pixie boots for Christmas circa 1982. Remedy? A goodly dose of antacids and a can of 'Toughen Up And Get Over It.'

    4) grumpy old git men in cars - phallic envy. I am sorry if that has shocked you, but it is a fact, end of. Or possibly tight boxers.

    5) some people are naturally adverse, nay frightened, of genuine and smiley people. They have suspicious natures and generally believe you cannot get something e.g a smile, for nothing e.g a box of Maltesers (which, in their currency, is the going rate for a smile).

    All this is sad, but true. I also blame mobile phones, the Internet, the X-Factor, too much pocket money as a child and overly tight dental braces.

    Yet rest assured that should loveliness and kindness be rejected by a single grumpy old git, they will equally be gladly received by tens of gorgeous people who will cherish them and spread them like butter on toast and hug them to their hearts like cute, warm kittens.

    And Karma will out!

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    1. Thank you for this well thought out and presented list of "reasons for gittedness." Personally, I think number 3 sums it all up. I know we can all have bad days and generally I like to give folks a second chance but we did have a gut-full of Bad Manners yesterday, and when you get a gut full of something you do despair a teeny weeny bit at the state of Human Nature. Luckily, all my lovely blogging friends are excellent antidotes to this! Hurrah for you all!

      And on that note I am sorry I haven't yet emailed you re Reiki- house full of kids this weekend and I haven't stopped. But it is on my list and this afternoon/ tomorrow is quieter... X

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  2. Hilarious post CT - thanks so much for cheering me up. Will think of your stories when fulfilling family commitments today which I am not looking forward to!!

    Your crochet blanket has given me an idea - instead of yet more scarves this winter. I will use up the zillions of spare balls of wool I have making blanket squares and hopefully end up with a blanket too :)

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    1. Glad it made you giggle and hope the family commitments were less arduous than expected.

      If you stitch your squares together and make a blanket will you promise to do a post on it complete with piccies so I can have a look please? Perhaps we could start a seasonal blogging trend: "knitting and crocheting winter projects" ! :-)

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  3. Hi CT read you post with great interest although I am going to come back to it lateron adn read it again adn also read what Denise has to say. I am a bit frustrated as I post quite recently (10 mins ago) by mistake. I was just making a postfor tomrrow as I am taking my bbird ggroup out adn I thought it would be a good idea to have it done now. Well I pressed the wrong button half way through!! So you did not see the finsihed post!! Sorry adn thansk sfor your comment anyway. NO more posts tomorrow!!

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    1. I did wonder where all the words were! I enjoyed the piccies regardless :-)

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  4. I think we could add my conservatory blinds project to the list-it'll certainly be funny! Oh what fun for a rainy Sunday afternoon CT, I have really enjoyed reading your post and the replies so far. I have been decorating the new utility room.
    Lots of people on the coastal path obviously think everyone they meet is a criminal about to rob them and push them off a cliff or a crazy escaped person for even daring to smile and say hello. Hubby calls them zombies!
    I make a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone I meet-a smile costs nothing. If they don't want it, I have given it freely expecting nothing back. The positive energy comes from me and it just might make a little impact on their sourness!

    One of our local councillors saw me rescuing a seagull chick from the road and thought this would be a good time to tell me he would be happy to see it get run over, failing that he'd shoot them all!
    Well I huffed and puffed about this for days feeling so upset that he would take that particular moment to express his horrid seagull killing thoughts to me-no empathy!
    Eventually I calmed down and decided that my revenge would be to inform everyone I meet about his feelings towards our wildlife and protected birds. No surprise to find that they all think he's a complete #astard which made me feel so much better.

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    1. What a Complete Git! Why on earth would someone who hates Seagulls choose to live by the sea?! What a horrid thing to say, and to you of all people who was rescuing a chicklet at the time. Quite Extraordinary, and beats my Three Grumpy Gits hands-down. I think he is a strong contender for B*stard of the year.

      I am very impressed at your sewing-machine prowess and think you should also do a post on your blinds. We could link all the winter project posts together. I wonder if it possible to crochet blinds..... x

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  5. I have to agree with you on the subject of empathy - very worrying, especially in the medical profession where I've recently encountered it. I have no explanation for it other than materialism leading to utter selfishness perhaps? Who knows but whatever it is, I don't like it!

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    1. That's not good in a medical setting is it? There is such a thing as having too much professional distance.
      I'd lay money on materialism being up there as a causal factor, along with being too wrapped up in your own existence to think about others. I've seen it a lot from all ages of people this year and I don't like it either.

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  6. I find it very sad that people are so gittish! It must be awful to have nothing to smile about and to feel so grumpy that they make the smiley friendly people feel a bit sad! We should probably feel lucky to have things to be happy about, and maybe if we persevere, one day the stony faced grumps will come to realise that a smile back isn't that difficult and they might actually feel better for it!

    It takes more muscles in the face to frown than it does to smile. Maybe the grumps should be made aware of this fact!

    Also I think your pige looks a little duck like in the first photo :)

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    1. That's a very good point Lou- smiling always makes me feel better :-)

      I loved the pige in the water- he looked so happy and pleased with himself and he was in there for ages, just floating quietly. They have had a lot of children this year so perhaps it was the equivalent of a mum locking herself in the bathroom for Five Minutes Peace....

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Thank you for leaving a comment. I always enjoy reading them and will try my best to reply to every one. CT x